Rhyme and Reason: November 15, 2013

Sometimes I stare boredly into space, thinking utterly of nothing.

This makes Mrs. Wilberton very irritated.

I get on her nerves.

I know this because she is always telling me I do.

To be honest, Mrs. Wilberton is not my favourite person on the planet of Earth.

Unfortunately, I am from Earth and she is my teacher.

Mrs. Wilberton says I have got utterly not a speck of concentration.

I am trying to prove her wrong about this by trying to remember to concentrate.

I think about it all the time. I am so desperately trying not to not concentrate and I say to myself, ‘Don’t drift off like you did yesterday.’

And then I start thinking about how I drifted off yesterday and how I was thinking I must listen to Mrs Wilberton and all the things she is telling me.

And then I am wondering, how does all this stuff she is telling me fit into my head?

And then I am wondering if I should have a clear out of the stuff I don’t need anymore – you know, like when my dad cleared out the attic, except we all decided we needed everything and he just had to put it all back again.

But maybe valuable space is being taken up in my head with not the important things and that is why I can’t concentrate because all my concentration space has been used up on things like, ‘Elbows off the table’, and, ‘Don’t pinch your brother’, and pointless not needed things which don’t matter.

“CLARICE BEAN! Will you please come back down to Earth this instant!”

It’s Mrs. Wilberton.

You can tell by her honking goose voice.

She says, “Clarice Bean, you are utterly lacking in the concentration department. A common housefly has got more ability to apply itself!”

And I want to say, “You are utterly lacking in the manners department, Mrs. Wilberton, and a rhinoceros has got more politeness than you.”

Lauren Child, Utterly Me, Clarice Bean

You can read a review of the book Utterly Me, Clarice Bean here and you can read an excerpt from another Clarice Bean book – Clarice Bean Spells Troublehere.

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